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January 14, 2010

Like they'll see this. Vampires don't even pee. Please.

Kate Hart
Remember I mentioned a few weeks ago that you know you've arrived as an author when graffiti about your books begins to pop up in random places? Remember how I said my best friend was too embarrassed to take her camera in the bathroom to photograph some Twilight graffiti for me?

Turns out her love for me knows no bounds. Behold:
Twilight graffiti from a bathroom in the English department's building at a major university. Proof that YA is taking over. She agreed to let me post the pictures complete with her commentary as long as I did not identify her or her school. Without further ado, I turn this post over to her.


From top:
"Such a stupid lamb.  Such a sick, masochistic lion."
"Um..Stephanie Meyer is a horrible author.  Just FYI"
"Have you read The Host? Yeah, Twilight is horribly written, but she's actually a decent author."
"[scratched out stuff, seemingly by scribe of following] Breaking Dawn was written after the Host and it's horrifying!  So, she is still a tragically horrible author."

"I agree the writting [corrected with "is spelled writing"] sucks, but I like the concept/plot."
[response] "What are you saying?!  It's all bad!"
[not pictured, in response to above: "SO STFU"]

Left to right:
"Her writing is interesting enough to have you writing about it..."
"Just because they're writing about it doesn't make it interesting"
"Agreed.  I kept reading to find out how Bella got stupider, how Edward got more illogical, and how horrible Stephanie Meyer made the plot."

"There's not a huge craze over it for no reason"

"If I had a dollar for every time I red [sic] about edward's "chisled [sic] marble body" or "greek god" traits of "angle [sic] face," I'd have enough money to buy a few better books!  And yet, its [sic] such a guilty pleasure."

(I have been tempted for months to write: "If I had a dollar for every spelling error or grammatical mistake, I could buy myself some Mad Dog 20/20.")

"There are two things I'll never try: Twilight and Taco Bell."
Not pictured: "I guarantee you'd enjoy both if you gave them a chance"

From there...
Not pictured: on the opposite wall of the stall, someone started the list: "Better Contemporary Authors to Read:" 
1. Nick Hornby
2. Thomas Pynchon [transcriber's note: some d-bag added Pynchon.  What's with all these d-bags and TP?]
3. Kimberlea Lawson Roby
4. Dave Eggers
5. Terry Pratchett
6. Neil Gaiman

That list was last updated sometime yesterday, so still in progress.  As a scholar of contemporary British lit, I probably can't officially comment on those suggestions (except for Pynchon), b/c I don't know much about American lit [ETA: or commercial/genre fiction. Stuff not on my radar before my conversion to YA], but if I get any say simply by being a scholar of contemp lit in the English language:
1. yeah, all right, if you're into the whole hipster thing
2. d-bag
3. who?  (=no opinion)
4. yes, as far as the anemic American writing scene, sure
5. who? (=no opinion)
6. vaguely familiar, w/ an overall impression of, "meh"

Yes, I took my notepad into the bathroom with me.  I got weirder looks than when I took the camera.  Why didn't I carry it in my purse?  Hard to say."


Kate's super profound analysis:
If people are going so far as to deface state property just to discuss your novel?
You're doing something right.

PS. I asked if I could use her commentary verbatim. Answer:

".... which part?  Some of it makes me sound like a bit of a nutjob.  I'm reminded of this moment in "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner":
: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I've ever read!
Homer: What's wrong with it?
Editor: You keep using words like "pasghetti" and "momatoes," you make numerous threatening references to the UN, and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again.

Screw Flanders! Screw flanders Thomas Pynchon!"

And now you know why we're best friends.

ETA: PLEASE NOTE: I am not interested in a debate about the merits of Twilight or lack thereof in my comments. There are plenty of other places on the internet for that and they make me stabby. Thanks. 


  1. Bahahahahahha. This is Brilliant.

  2. I think it just tinkled a little! LOL!!!

  3. I can only hope the college I go to is this hilarious.

  4. I'm speechless. Can't stop giggling.

  5. Wow. You think some of those people could move to my school? :D

  6. Major lol... rotfl... this is hilarious!

  7. Only in the bathroom of an English department.

  8. Love those grafitti!

  9. Brilliant!!!

    I'm pleased to see that us English department people are the same the world over. The tagging in one of the stalls at the English dept when I was studying had wide ranging debate about various things, including the existence of god and whether abortion is right. And also a macaroni and cheese recipe. Go figure.

    Twilight debate is even better though! :-)

  10. lmao...tell me which college? I'm moving!

  11. This is AMAZING how in depth and heated this conversation got. Hilarious. Thanks so much for sharing, and for your friend for taking the pics!

  12. Wait, so vampires don't pee?

    DAMN. Better go rewrite my manuscript now.

  13. Vampires don't pee but werewolves definitely pee... but usually just on trees and fire hydrants and tires.

  14. I told you in DM, but this is truly awesome. Lit crit in the bathroom. Someone needs to present this at a conference. I'd attend a panel to hear this.

  15. I wonder if this would have inspired my eight-graders to write better essays?

  16. How the _hell_ did I miss this post!?!?!?

  17. So, so brilliant, Kate! Now I'm going to troll the bathroom stalls at SMU to see what our "literary scholars" have been defacing our stalls with.
    I just posted a difficult "tell all" about my publishing experience. Would love it if you read it and tell me immediately if I should TAKE IT DOWN. : )


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