That's right. In her infinite awesome, Kathleen took the last picture in my post from last week and made the cover for REDNECK TWILIGHT: An Arkansas vampire love story.
Which made me wonder. I know there are plenty of southern vampires (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood, Jasper, Louis). But where are the immortal good 'ole boys? The football-watching, beer-drinking, bass-fishing undead?
Maybe they are... all around us....
*looks around fearfully*
If so, it would be helpful to have a list of identifying characteristics to tip us off. That's where I come in.
|Original (ridiculously Photoshopped)|
picture is here.
- your coffin is a double wide.
- friends gather 'round and yell "chug! chug!" while you shotgun a victim.
- your Volvo is up on blocks in the front yard.
- you're missing a fang.
- the dog protecting your crypt is a blue heeler.
- black Hefty bags and duct tape keep the sunlight out of your house.
- you like basketball player victims so you can joke about "drinking a tallboy."
- you're looking forward to deep fried blood at the state fair.
- even though it wouldn't kill you, you wouldn't dare climb in your mortal girlfriend's window because her daddy's sitting on the front porch with a shotgun.
- you'd be wearing a wifebeater and cutoffs if it weren't for all that damn sparkling.
- your psychic sister's ultimate threat is to tell you the results of Nascar races.
- mortals are always safe from you on the holy grounds of Graceland.
- you're psyched that your unchanging body means never having to trim the front of your mullet again.
ETA: I totally forgot to say-- please play along in the comments, it would make my life.
*In his defense, my husband would never drink Pabst Light. Pabst Heavy, on the other hand...
**Many thanks to my BFF for helping generate this list.
***And remember, making fun of rednecks is like making fun of someone's family: I can do it, because they're mine. You can't. ;)
****Unless of course you also have rednecks in the family, in which case, go right ahead.
*****I really, really like footnotes.